i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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