i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
