so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
