But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
