i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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