Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
