I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your penis caused this!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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