she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
