Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just threw up on my dentist
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
