A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
