D3 body, D1 cock
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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