More tranny stories later!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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