I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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