Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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