I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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