I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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