I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
