how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
