i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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