toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize