Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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