i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
