you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
