Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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