I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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