God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
