i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
