I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
