Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
