I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
