Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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