Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
