you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
