here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
