one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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