Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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