i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
