Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
