Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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