why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
