I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
