wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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