he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize