I'm eating all of the evidence.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
