you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
