do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
