Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
