Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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