I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i came on her dog
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
