glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
