i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
