is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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