I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
