I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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