"it" just moved
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
