one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize