i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
