put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
