Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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