He had one of those small greek statue penises
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
