Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
