You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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