so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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