WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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