I love black thongs
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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