you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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