You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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