my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
