we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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