I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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