last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
