I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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