In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
