I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
