Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
