i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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