If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
