Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
