Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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